GIR's New Friends
by Phoenix-Inferno18
Summary: What if the labels were never switched? What if Zim got the malfunctioning SIR units instead of the Megadoomer! Oneshot. Rated T because I'm paranoid.


Hey guys! This fanfiction is based on an alternate version of the events of the Megadoomer Invader Zim episode! I hope you enjoy it! By the way thanks to everyone who has been reading, following, favouriting, and especially reviewing my other stories! Special thanks to Invader Johnny for all of the nice advice he gave me on writing all of the character's personalities! :)

Seriously, you guys are amazing!

Disclaimer: I unfortunately still don't own Invader Zim. If I did then the tv version would still be going, not just the comic At least we have the movie to look forward to! :)

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The Massive and the Irken Armada hovered above a dry and barren grey planet. This planet used to be lush and green, but had been stripped of all of its living beings long ago by the Irken Empire. Nobody knew what the planet had been called before or who had lived there–and quite frankly- nobody cared. Now it was just another storage planet.

The planet's surface was scattered with tall and rod-like constructions. Each rod was tipped with a large and spherical structure. These hollow monstrosities loomed above the planet's surface, and contained the large amount of resources that were necessary for global conquest. Spaceship parts, ionic defilibrators, snacks, you name it and it was there.

The Tallest were at the moment inside one of these storage facilitys. They stood in silence as the hover platform ferried them up to one of the storage compartments. A purple beam of light shot out from the hover platform and into a cavity in the compartment covering. The casing turned transparent, allowing Red and Purple to see inside the chamber.

"The Megadoomer Combat Stealth Mech!" Red exclaimed, pointing to the machine in a dramatic fashion.

The Megadoomer was indeed a sight to behold. It had digitigrade dual-legged configuration (or as some would have said; chicken legs). It's main "body" was not humanoid and was oddly shaped, and rested between the tops of its legs. The machine was colored a mix of dull brown and red, except for the more vivid eye-like highlights beside the forward hatch and the Irken Insignia printed in bold black atop it.

The machine was visibly stuffed with weapons. To the sides of the cockpit were two weapon pods containing high speed, high impact rockets. Two energy blasters were situated on its shoulders, and it also possessed a massive energy canon. Coupled with its ability to camouflage, this machine would in theory be almost unbeatable. Yes, the Megadoomer X-3 Combat Stealth Mech seemed like an appropriate name indeed.

Purple however, was not impressed.

"I don't like it!" He complained, shaking his head and jutting out his lower lip.

"We didn't build it so you could like it." Said an exasperated Red. "This one's going to Planet Meekrob to help Invader Tenn conquer it!"

"Well, I should like it." Purple pouted. The platform zoomed upwards once again and stopped at another platform. Yet again the purple beam filled the crevice and the wall of the capsule turned see-through to reveal a multitude of SIR units. In this case the storage unit was being used more like a containment device.

The SIRs were obviously defective. They were blabbered random gibberish and running around in circles. The Tallest watched as one set itself on fire and as yet another launched a rocket which fired into the air before hitting one of the robot's companions. The robot took the beating with a fit of maniacal giggling.

"Malfunctioning SIR units! Hey! These things are dangerous!" Purple exclaimed in surprise. "Anyone using these could really hurt themselves!"

After a moment of silence…

"Send them to Zim."

Red gasped in mock horror. "But they'll destroy him!"

The two Tallest exchanged looks before bursting into a fit of laughter.

"Uh, let's go eat food!" Purple blurted out, his attention span as short as ever. The platform rose carrying them away as the computer noted the Tallest's wishes.

 _Contents of Storage Unit W63 to be sent to Invader Zim._

 _Contents of Storage Unit W29 to be sent to Invader Tenn._

A moment later a mechanical claw extracted the capsules from their spaces in the wall and placed them on a loading dock. There they were loaded onto an Irken material transport ship.

"All set for lift off. Next stop, the Intergalactic Shipping Hub."

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The Intergalactic Shipping Hub was like a post office but on a bigger scale. Irkens dropped off their packages on the planet and they would be sent from there to anywhere in the universe by wormhole.

This particular Shipping Hub was covered in conveyer belts, which gave it the nickname "The Conveyer Belt Planet". The Irken in charge of the operation didn't care, conveyer belts were useful and that was that.

The planet's former inhabitants -the "Screwheads"- were now were slaves on to the Irken Empire. They worked day and night labeling and shipping boxes and envelopes under the guard of the slave drivers.

A particular Skrewhead named Smikka Smikka Smoodoo was tired of this. Like all of his people, Smikka was a short yellow creature with the signature spiraling shape on his head that had earned his people their nickname.

Smikka Smikka Smoodoo had had enough. His planet had been beautiful, a hub of art and sciences. Now it was just another useless shipping center!

"Irken monsters, conquer my people! Take our planet, force us to ship packages!" Smikka announced to himself. "Can I call myself a man if I am slave to the Irken machine? Our futures –crushed- like so many little loving packing peanuts!"

"No -NO- I say!" He concluded dramatically. "I must rebel! I will –I WILL- switch the addresses on these two boxes!"

After that dramatic announcement Smeeka moved to press some buttons on the remote he was holding. But before he could do so, a shock-spear flew out and tazed him.

"Argggggg!"

"Nice try, but next time maybe don't announce your plans to the entire planet."

The Slave Driver walked away, dragging a protesting Smikka behind him.

"You can't stop the revolution! Nooooo-"

"Arrrrggggg!" He cried out as he was shocked again.

"Just be quiet."

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 **Meanwhile on Earth**

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"And then Dib says- ARRRRGGg" Zim cried out in frustration. "In front of the whole class! Filthy slug! Ms. Bitters called on me! Understand! Filthy, squirmy Dib! SQUIRMY!"

Poor Spuddy. He had had been walking home when a weird kid with some sort of skin disorder had started following him. It had just been annoying at first, but now it was getting to be creepy.

"What are you talking about!?" Spuddy asked with a nervous exasperation in his voice. "Who are you?!"

Zim took no notice of Spuddy's question. "I can't believe the things that human has done to me! Me! And…" Zim ranted, flailing his arms around wildly in frustration.

"Dib!" He screamed.

"Why are you following me?!" Spuddy asked, starting to get really freaked out "I don't even go to your skool!"

"And the…" Zim growled before resuming his rant. "Oh, he makes me so MAD! The horrible puny-brained meat child, with his little glasses and his..."

Spuddy made a break for it. He flew toward his house and rushed in the front door. Peering out he saw that Zim was still there and going on and on about Dib.

"Head!"

Spuddy slammed the door shut with wide eyes and a panicked expression. Zim –taking no notice of this- walked up the walkway still following Spuddy and talking.

"My name is Dib with my pointy hair!" Zim said in a mocking voice. "Pointy hair!"

Zim lingered on the porch for a moment, then turned around.

"I eat food and have stuff!" Zim said in the same mocking stupid voice that was obviously meant to be Dib. Continuing to rant and rave and wave his arms around, Zim walked away.

Spuddy watched his departure with relief, the trauma clear in his eyes.

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Zim approached his house in silence. It appeared that he had calmed down before he stopped in his doorway and -waving his fists once again- shrieked.

"Oh, he will pay, how he will PAY!"

Zim then entered the house and slammed the door behind him. Moments after Zim had entered a large metal box landed with a huge thud in his yard. Dirt sprayed everywhere and a pit was left in the middle of the walkway.

Hearing the noise, Zim ran back out.

"Wow!" He exclaimed. He had never gotten such a big package before!

"GIR! Help me get this inside at ONCEE!"

"Aww, do I have to? I wanna watch the monkey show!"

"Yes GIR, you have too." Zim said with a sigh. He knew that GIR was so advanced that it was hard to understand his thought pattern, but sometimes he seemed just plain stupid.

"NOOOOOOOO!" GIR cried. "I don't wanna! If I don't see this show I will turn into a banana! I will have to hold my breath!"

"GIR, you don't breathe."

"Oh. Okee dokee! I'm gonna lift that box!"

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An hour later….

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"Ok GIR, I'm just **MUNCH** going to blow up the **GOBBLE** side of the house so we can **SNACK** fit the box in. Then- GIR stop eating that! It's filthy!"

GIR was shoveling piles of dirt from the lawn into his mouth.

"Awwwww…. But it tastes like chicken!"

"No GIR, no. "

GIR of course disregarded him.

"GIR, if you stop that I will give you…" Zim looked around for something that might interest the childish robot. "This AMAZING piece of GRASS! The grass entices you GIR!"

The eyes on GIR's costume somehow seemed to widen.

"Ooooh oooh, gimee!"

"Only if you help me blow up this wall and for Tallest's sake, stop devouring that filthy earth matter!"

"Okee dokee! Sure thing, rainbow elephant! I made a rhyme!"

"GIR, that's not- never mind."

GIR ran over and snatched the blade of grass out of ZIM's hand.

"Ooooh, it's pretty!"

"Yes GIR, now."

But GIR was gone. He had moonwalked through the door. Literally. There was now a GIR shaped hole in the door.

The computer spoke up. "You don't think anyone will notice that?"

"Eh?" Zim questioned. "Computer, is that you? I didn't know that you could speak to me OUTside my house. "

"Oh yeah, I can. I just usually pretend like I can't so I don't have to talk to you as much. I guess that won't work anymore."

"How DARE you! Zim is ZIM! The greatest Zim that has ever lived! The greatest everything else too! I am great at everything! You should be honored to speak to ZiIiiM!"

"Yeah, I am so awed by your presence. Just feeling so honored right now." The computer said in a flat, sarcastic voice. Zim –of course- did not catch the sarcasm.

"That's better! But next time call me the most magnificent, amazing, tough…."

Zim went on for about a minute. The computer let out a bored "uh huh" every five seconds.

"and all over Zim-iest Irken ever! Got it?"

"Uh huh"

"Good now lets-"

"Uh huh"

"Hey don't in-"

"Uh huh"

"COMPUTER!" Zim screamed, stomping his feet and flailing his arms around wildly. A few neighbors poked their heads out of their houses to see what the ruckus was.

"Oh, it's just the green kid."

"False alarm."

"That kid needs to get some professional help."

And so no more attention was directed at Zim. The computer –hearing the scream- stopped in the middle of another "uh huh".

"What is it Zim."

I stopped instructing you a while ago! Why are you still affirming my superiority?!"

"First of all, I wasn't affirming your superiority. Second of all, I set my voice on a loop so I could pretend to listen. Third of all, I'm just going to call you Zim."

"Lies, LIES!" Zim screamed.

"No, I'm really serious here, I-"

"Silence!"

Zim, I-"

"Silence!"

"I just-"

"SILENCE!"

The computer fell silent after that, realizing that it was not going to get a word in.

"That's better! Now to blow up part of my house in order to obtain this package. The question is, should I use a minibomb or a gigabomb?"

The computer tried to speak again. "If I may, a gigabomb would level the-"

"Silence fool! If Zim wants to hear from you he will demand it! Now, I think I will use the gigabomb! Bigger is always better, especially when it comes to explosions!"

Whistling a tune, Zim walked in the house. When he came out again, he was holding a welding- torch and –you guessed it- and Irken gigabomb. Pulling on his welding glasses, he lit the fuses on the gigabomb's then ran for his lab. Just as he emerged into his lab, the whole building shook with a loud and ginormous " **BANG**! **".**

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 **Somewhere on Cyberflox**

"Yes!" screamed Fitzoo-Menga from inside of his ship. "Zim is back! I might not even have to buy this planet and take over his robot while disguised as a virus under the name Virooz and lure him here and then replace him as Zim! Sure, that plan was awesome, but so are gigabombs!"

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 **In Dibs house**

"And then, ha! I said- ooh! And Zim was like "Arggg!"" Dib explained to his unenthusiastic sister in between fits of laughter.

"And then- MMMMPPPPPPMHMHM" Dib was smothered in mid-sentence. Gaz had clamped her hand over his mouth.

"Look Dib, I am almost to level three. My clan is depending on me. So, shut your mouth, before I shut it for you!" Gaz snarled. "Understand?"

Dib's eyes widened in fear and he enthusiastically nodded his head.

"Good. Now be quiet." Gaz said, releasing Dib.

Suddenly the entire neighborhood was rocked by a huge explosion.

"What was that!" Dib screamed, rushing to the window. It was chaos. Everything had been colored black with ash which seemed to originate from Zim's house. Or at least where it used to be. Now it was nothing but a smoking pit.

"Oooh, Zim is up to something! I need to go see what!" Exclaimed Dib, posing heroically. A fanfare of trumpets began to play in the background, then stopped abruptly with the sound of a fight.

Gaz appeared dragging a trumpet player by the ear. She opened the front door and threw him out with the force of The Hulk.

"And stay out!" She yelled. "Geez, can't anyone get any peace around here?"

Dib tried to dart out the door but Gaz grabbed him by the ear as well.

"Oh no you don't! Anytime you go play with Zim it ends up with a lot of noise!"

"We don't play, we're enemies!" Defended Dib. "And, no it doesn't!"

"Oh yeah?"

 **Flashback**

Gaz was sitting in the back of class playing her Game-Slave.

"Hey Gaz, maybe you could-" Gaz growled at the teacher with a ferocity that sent shivers down the whole class's spines.

"Never mind."

Screams broke out from down the hall in Ms. Bitter's room. Gaz ignored them. The whiners were always screaming about something.

"Oh no, I broke my spine!

Oh no, I'm dying!

Oh no, I have detention for the rest of my life!

Oh no, I'm being eaten by an alarm clock! (Don't ask.)

Whiners.

So, Gaz continued playing. Just as she was about to defeat the cyborg pig and his zombie piglet minions the whole klassroom shook. Screams rang out. The gaming device was jolted out of her hands. As it hit the ground the words "Game Over" flashed on the screen. Gaz looked up in fury, determined to see what had interrupted he game. Sirens rang out and cars were on fire.

She was just in time to see a giant hamster stomp past. Chasing him was Zim.

"Come back Ultra-Peepi! Obey your master!'

A minute later Dib ran by.

"Zim, what have you done!"

Gaz clenched her game device so hard that it almost broke.

"They will pay!"

 **Flashback Ends**

"But you already deleted all of my recordings of Mysterious Mysteries for that! Do you know how long it took me to get them all back? In fact, I'm still missing the one about the mysterious spider-sloth!"

"Dib, go to your room and leave me alone!" Gaz threatened. "Or else I will force you into a nightmare realm from where there is no waking!"

"You've already used that one."

"Then I will delete all of your episodes of Mysterious Mysteries again!"

"Ha!" Dib uttered. "I have them on a backup file!"

Gaz shot Dib a look of pure loathing.

"Dib!" She threatened.

Seeing her expression, Dib raised his hands in a nervous surrender. Then he took off towards his room.

"Finally, some quiet."

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 **Back to Zim**

"Now to go see the new delivery entrance to my home!" Zim proclaimed with much enthusiasm. As Zim emerged from the toilet- or in this case the tube that was connected to the toilet as the toilet was gone- he looked around.

His house was completely gone. The houses around his were blackened with soot and the only thing left of his house was the now exposed entrance to the lab. The box was fine, it was meant to withstand deep space travel so a little explosion wouldn't do it in. GIR was sitting on the couch watching the now non-existent television.

Zim did a double take. How had the couch survived? _Doesn't matter._ Zim dismissed the thought. But now the package had no house to fit in!

The neighbors were poking their heads out again, roused by the bang and the smoke.

"Hey, has the green kid's house always looked like that?"

"And have our houses always been stained black with soot?"

Zim stood there awkwardly as they came to a conclusion.

"Yep."

"Of course."

"Nothing to see here."

And then all of the neighbors went back to their daily routine.

"Would you like me to take the package to the lab through the secret package receival tunnel?" The computer asked.

"What! We have one of those?!" Zim yelled. "Why didn't you tell me?!"

"Well." The computer said smugly. "You told me to be silent."

"ARGGGG!" Zim screamed. "Just do it! I hate you, you know."

"I hate you too, Zim." The computer replied.

Zim disappeared back down the now exposed entrance to the lab. A hole opened up and swallowed up the package.

"I suppose it's up to me to rebuild the house, huh." The computer sighed. "It figures."

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 **Dib's POV**

"Duh, duh duh duh, DUH…" Zim hummed a dramatic spy tune to himself as he descended the rope that he had dangled from his window. The moment he had gotten to his room he had donned his stealth suit and prepared to escape the house.

"Sorry Gaz," He said as he touched the ground. "but the world needs me."

"No, it doesn't."

Dib gasped, looking up to see Gaz looming over him.

"I'm just going to go back to my room." Dib said, scaling the rope as fast as he could and jumping back into safety. Gaz didn't look up from her Game-Slave (which she had never stopped playing), but she looked pretty smug.

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The Irken Armada and the Massive hovered above a massive planet that was a shade of blues and greens.

"Well Invader Stink, you actually didn't do that bad!" Said Tallest Red, addressing the saluting Irken.

"Thank you my Tallest! Those Uxpiians didn't know what hit them " Said Stink, swelling with pride.

"Yeah, yeah. No need to get a big head." Replied Tallest Purple. "Now off with you!"

Stink saluted once again before leaving to go brag to his fellow Irkens. Just after he left the control panel beeped.

"Incoming transmission from Planet Meekrob." One of the Irken Communication Officers announced. The screen lit up and Invader Tenn appeared.

"Thank you My Tallest! I have received your generous gift and I am sure that coupled with an Irken Phantom Military Suit it will prove to be a valuable resource in the conquering of Planet Meekrob!" She said with a salute.

"It doesn't cloak the driver?" Purple asked Red.

"Nope." He replied

"That's stupid."

"We're working on it."

The console beeped once again.

"Sorry Invader Tenn, we've got to take this." Red informed her. Invader Tenn saluted and the screen went dark, then was replaced with an image of Zim.

"My Tallest, I have received your package." Zim informed them. They could hear sounds of crashing and screaming in the background. Both Red and Purple bit back the urge to giggle.

"Oh, and have you opened it yet?" Purple asked, trying to keep his expression straight.

"Yes, My Tallest." Zim replied.

"And you are not dead?" Purple asked in disappointment.

"No, don't worry. I am very much alive. And I shall conquer this challenge you have sent me and prove my worth!" Just then a SIR unit flew out of nowhere -and with a scream- attached itself to Zim's head.

Still trying to keep their expressions neutral they replied.

"Well that's good to hear, Zim." Red said.

"Anyways, bye! Good luck! Call us back later if you're not dead!" Yelled purple before motioning to the Communications Officers to cut the transmission.

"Argggg-" The screen went black and both of the Tallest burst out laughing.

"I have a good feeling about this time!"

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"Arggggg!" Zim screamed as the SIR unit flew out of nowhere and gripped onto his head.

"Get it off! Get it off!" Zim took off in a sprint trying to get it off. The SIR unit grabbed onto Zim's antenna, using them like handholds to stay on.

GIR walked in, unfazed by Zim's screaming.

"Hiya masta! Watcha doin?"

" GIR! Help me! Get it off!"

"That looks like fun! Here I come!"

"No GIR! NO!"

GIR sprinted forward and jumped on Zim's head.

"Yeehaw! I'm a cow-person!" Both GIR and the SIR unit giggled hysterically.

"No! Unhand Zim! Bad GIR, bad!"

"Aww, I loves you too!"

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 **Time Skip**

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Zim was not looking well. One of his antenna was bent and his uniform was ruffled. He turned around to face the screen.

"I'm sorry about that My Tallest, now what were- Oh."

The screen was blank.

"Great job GIR, you made The Tallest hang up!" Zim admonished.

"I'm sowy." GIR replied, his voice drooping with sadness.

"Just don't let it happen again."

"Okee Dokee!" GIR cried, happy once again. "I'm gonna go play with my friends again!"

And then he skipped off.

"Wait GIR, if you aren't here then who will I explain all of my thoughts and ideas out loud too? I can't just say them in my head!"

"You can tell them to me." The computer suggested.

"Fine." Zim sulked. "I can't let the SIR units leave the house, they might blow my cover! Why did my Tallest send them to me? What do they want me to prove?!"

"Maybe they were hoping that the roots will destroy you. That's what I'm hoping, anyways."

"No, that makes no sense. Why would anyone want to destroy me? I'm perfect!"

"Uh huh." The computer responded with a sarcasm that Zim once again did not seem to catch.

"I know!" Zim realized. "They must want me to retrain them! Force them to respect the mightiness that is ZIM! They knew that only I was mighty enough to conquer these SIR units! I shall not fail them!"

"That is literally the stupidest thing I have ever heard."

"Why thank you!"

"That wasn't a compliment."

"LIES!"

"Whatever."

Zim started pressing buttons on the control panel. A live video feed popped up showing SIR units in the upstairs level, which the computer had rebuilt instantly using the same technology that had originally constructed the house.

The SIR units had wrecked the upstairs level. All of the paintings had been smashed, the kitchen had been emptied of the food that Zim kept as part of his cover (and to shut GIR up), and mud had somehow even gotten tracked all over the floor. What?! They hadn't even been outside! Four of the nine SIR units were currently in the process of de-stuffing the couches, while the other five were running around screaming and firing an assortment of weapons at the house, the items in it, and each other. GIR was sitting and watching it all unfold with a big grin on his face and a slush-monkey in hand.

The Irken empire funded all Invader exploits, and they were not going to be happy when they saw Zim's bill. The technology to pull houses and items such as paintings and couches out of thin air was not cheap. Zim –however- didn't care.

"Computer, take me to the UPPER LEVEL!" Zim proclaimed dramatically.

"Sure!" The computer said in a chipper voice, sounding the happiest it ever had at the prospect of Zim facing the dangerous SIR units.

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"Robotic slaves!" Zim announced. "Your new master has come!"

After waiting a few seconds and receiving no response, Zim tried again."

"So, stop destroying my stuff."

All the SIR units proceeded to ignore him. All but GIR that is.

"Hiyah masta! Have you come to play with us?"

"No GIR, I have not come to play with you!" Zim fumed before addressing the out of control SIR units once again.

"I command you to stop destroying my stuff!" Zim said, but it was to no avail. The robots took no notice of him.

"Why won't you listen to ZIM?! He is mighty and amazing and deserves your respect!" Zim screamed at the robots, who were still not listening.

"Hey Zim." The computer addressed him.

"What!" Zim snapped.

"I think I know why they aren't listening."

"You do?" Zim asked, intrigued.

"Yeah, the robots are defective."

"You dare mock Zim!" Zim shrieked in frustration.

"Hey Zim."

"WHAT IS IT!?" He screamed at the top of His lungs.

"The SIR units are gone.

"What?!" Zim whipped around. Sure enough, they were gone.

"How did they escape!?"

"Maybe they left using the Sir unit size hole in the door."

Zim looked. Sure enough, the hole in the door had been rebuilt with the house.

"Why would you rebuild the house with a hole in the door!?"

"You didn't tell me not too."

"I hate you so much."

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 **Dib's POV**

"Luckily, I build this secret trapdoor in my closet just in case I faced a situation like this." Dib muttered to himself as he scaled the ladder in his closet. Then he realized something. "Why didn't I just use this before instead of trying to climb out the window? And why am I talking to myself?"

Dib finished scaling the ladder and crawled into the tunnel.

"Almost there, almost there!" He whispered. Suddenly two red lights appeared. Then two more. The two more. Soon the tunnel ahead of Dib was covered in red lights.

"Oh no..." Dib muttered fearfully, turning his emergency flashlight on. Sure enough, the tunnel was being blocked by Gaz's "security".

Raising his hands in surrender, Dib slowly turned around. "I'm just going to leave now." He proclaimed to the toys.

For five seconds, all was fine and Dib thought he got away with it; but then he heard a clunking behind him. Uh oh. Dib took off down the ladder and rushed out of the closet with the toys right behind him.

Thankfully the toys didn't follow him out of the closet.

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Zim ran down the streets, searching for any sign of trouble. Normally he would be happy that the SIR units would be out destroying stuff, but even the humans would realize something was up if undisguised SIR units started causing chaos.

He still had that teleportation ray gun that he built so he could teleport Dib onto "some far, far away planet where he could never stick his big head IN ZIM'S BUISINESS AGAIN!"

But it turned out that the ray gun could only teleport smallish, non-living objects and that it used up too much energy to be practical. It had been funny when he had zapped Dib's pants with it during class though. Even if Ms. Bitters had figured out that he was somehow responsible for it. He still wasn't sure how she knew it was him.

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"Ha ha Dib! If I was the one who did that -which I wasn't- then I would say this," Zim yelled from atop his desk.

"Foolish human! Zim is triumphant! ZIM IS TRIUMPHANT!"

"Detention for 3 weeks Zim." Ms. Bitters hissed before turning towards an embarrassed Dib. "And Dib, go get some pants."

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Zim had tinkered with the ray so that whatever it struck would be teleported into the box that the SIR unit's arrived in. After he had rounded up all of the SIR units then he could awe them into respecting him through his sheer awesomeness, then he would in turn gain the respect of his Tallest!

 _Now if I was a crazy malfunctioning SIR unit, where would I be?_

Zim entered the skool. The doors were unlocked because who would want to be at skool when they didn't have too? You would have to be insane to want to be there. Or so Zim reasoned.

"Zim walked around the school searching for any sign of his "present" from the Tallest.

"Hey! Deranged SIR units! Are you there?"

Zim peered into yet another classroom. Nope.

Zim checked the cafeteria. Nope.

In the janitor's closet? Nope.

In Ms. Bitter's room? No-

Zim paused, then looked again. Ms. Bitters was sitting hunched over her desk repeating doom under her breath. Zim walked in and stuck his head into her vision. She didn't blink. In fact she wasn't pausing for breath at all.

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

Creepy.

But that wasn't what had caught Zim's attention. What had caught Zim's attention was the SIR unit scribbling all over the chalk board with permanent marker.

Zim flashes a concerned look over at Ms. Bitters. However, if she had noticed something she didn't show it. He tentatively approached the SIR unit which was still scribbling randomly all over the chalk board.

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Oh the pain!"

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

"Not the buzzsaw!"

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

"Give that back!"

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

"Do not dare defy the mighty Zim!"

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

"Arggg!"

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

"My Squeedly Spooch!"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Zim was breathing hard as he shut the classroom door. He leaned against it and closed his eyes.

"Ah," Zim sighed. "safety at last." Though the teleportation ray had made the matter a lot easier, it had still been hard to hit the SIR unit as it bounced around the room. He had hit many desks and other classroom supplies. Oh well, it wasn't like the skool had a ton of them to begin with anyways. Most likely nobody would even notice.

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Ms. Bitters sat hunched over a nonexistent desk in a completely empty classroom.

"Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom. Doom."

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Just then another SSIR unit ran past Zim, it's hands flailing in the air and its head shooting out missiles. Zim watched as its barreled past him and heard its screams grow quieter as it grew farther away.

"Come back! I need to shove you in a box!" Zim yelled after it. He got up and tried to run but fell to the ground in agony.

"Right after my ribs heal!"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Zim scanned the street. It was already dark and he had only caught three of the nine SIR units. He had caught up to the second SIR unit racing up and down the skool halls and managed to capture it. After that he managed to catch one that had climbed the tree and was- shudder. You don't want to know what it was doing.

"Hey!" Zim said when he caught sight of his reflection in a store window. One of the SIR units had drawn a mustache and a uni-brow on him.

"How dare you mock the great Zim, your master! I am your superior, you will bow down to ME!" He shouted to the non-present SIR unit.

"Keep it down you wierdo!" Somebody yelled from inside an apartment complex.

"You cannot silence the mighty Zim, your future slave-master!"

Zim was quiet for a few seconds waiting for an answer.

"That's better!" He yelled when he didn't hear one. "I- OWW!" Somebody had thrown a can of poop-cola at him.

"Who threw that! "

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::;

Dib stared up at the mirror. He had tried to go to sleep but he kept waking up because of his worries about what Zim was up too.

"Heeheheheeh…"

"Who's there?!" Dib swung around to see- nothing. There was nothing there.

"That's funny, I could have sworn..."

Suddenly a SIR unit fell from the ceiling onto Dib's head.

"Argggg! What is Zim's robot doing here?!" Dib shrieked. "Get it off, get it off!"

Gaz opened the door, playing her video game with one hand and holding two struggling SIR units by their antenna.

Without even looking up she spoke. "Your weird robot thingies were bothering me. Keep them away from me or else."

She dropped them into the room and closed the door. The robots immediately started running around the room at random, causing destruction where ever they went.

"No, not my bed!"

No, that's a genuine dragon spine!"

"Get off my head!"

"AAARRRRGGGGG!"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Zim was still walking down the street searching for the other SIR units when he heard a noise.

"AAARRRRGGGGG!"

Zim turned around. _That sounded like the Dib-human. He must have run into a SIR unit._

Zim headed towards the Membrane house then paused. _If I go get the SIR unit then it won't be tormenting the Dib-monkey anymore._ Zim realized with a sigh. _But if I don't then the SIR unit may move on and I won't know where it is anymore. And Dib-stink might get a picture of it with one of his horrible human cameras._

Mind made up, Zim headed toward the source of the noise. Using his PAK legs he scaled the building and climbed through the bedroom window. It was chaos. It was not one SIR unit plaguing the human, but three. Dib-smelly had been blinded by a SIR unit on his head, and two others were running around rampant in his room. Zim first aimed for the robot on Dib's head. Easy target, he reasoned.

Once that robot was gone, Dib could see again.

"Oh thank you-" Dib said, turning to face his rescuer. "ZIM!"

"Who else, pig smelly." Zim replied. "Now if you are done gawking Could you try to pin one of them down or something?"

"What are you doing here! Why did you release copies of GIR in my house! What new plot is this-" Dib accused before realizing something. "Wait, is that a mustache scribbled on your face?!"

"First of all, why would I help you if I released them into your home?" Zim reasoned, ignoring Dib's hysterical laughter. "Second of all, they are not copies of GIR. These things are broken, GIR is advanced. So please get out of my face."

"Wow, that actually made sense." Dib said shocked out of his fit of laughter by the fact that Zim was capable of rational thinking.

Zim ignored Dib as he aimed for the robot. Then he readjusted with a smirk. He had to hit the SIR units, but it would not be his fault if he hit a few of the Dib-loser's stupid possessions.

"Hey, be careful where you aim that thing!"

"Watch out!"

"No, that was my genuine gnome fossil!

Zim grinned. "MWOOO HAHAHAH!"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Now that those robots are gone, you have a lot of explaining to do!" Dib told Zim.

"NEVER!" Yelled Zim before leaping out of the window. He landed on the ground with a sickening thud.

"I'm ok!"

"Oh no, you don't!" Dib said heroically before moving to jump after him.

Suddenly Gaz appeared, blocking the window.

"Nope. If you break your spine again then you won't stop whining about it and I'll never get any peace. Besides, family night is two weeks from now and if you are in the hospital then we might not get to go."

"Come on Gaz, he's getting away!" Dib whined.

"No."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

"Come on!" Zim ranted to himself. "Where are the last three! They can't hide from the almighty Zim!"

Zim found himself approaching his base. "I'll check the outside cameras and see if they picked up anything that might hint at their whereabouts."

Zim walked inside and saw GIR and two of the SIR units watching TV.

"Oh, COME on!" Zim screamed. "I looked everywhere and they were right here! GIR, why didn't you tell me!" 

"Shhh, I think Shmoopsy might be about to bloop Floopsy!

"Oooh, can I wa- no! Must resist urge to watch show!" Zim said, the strain evident in his voice. He quickly shot the two SIRs with the teleportation ray. Surprisingly, they put up no resistance. _Watching television must be the only thing that can make all SIR units sit still, not just GIR._

Zim ran outside panting, proud of the willpower he didn't even know he had. Oh wait, he didn't have the willpower.

Zim ran back inside and plopped down on the couch.

"So, what's happening."

"Floopsy's chasin Shmoopsy!"

"LIES!""

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 **Dib's POV**

"Gaz, please! You have to let me go! The fate of the world is at hand!" Dib begged.

"Alright, I'll let you go." Gaz mumbled, eyes still fixed on the game screen."

"Really?" Dib asked hopefully.

"On one condition."

"Name it!"

"You have to buy me Bloaty's pizza every day for the next month."

"But Gaz," Dib stuttered. That would take up all of the allowance money I've saved up, plus what I earn during that month!"

"So?"

"So, I need that money to bug Zim's base! The fate of the world is at stake here!"

"The world can be destroyed for all I care. It's stupid. I need my pizza."

"It's a deal." Dib said with a sigh. His allowance would have to suffer for the greater good. Gaz didn't even look up as Dib jumped out of the window.

"You could have just used the front door, you know."

"No time!" Dib yelled. "I have to stop Zim!"

"Whatever."

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Dib sprinted down the street toward Zim's base, holding his aching head. Though the window had been on the ground level, diving out of it had still hurt. Dodging the evil garden ornaments' lasers, he sprinted for the porch.

"Zim!" He announced as he flung open the front door. "I have come to stop your reign of tyranny!"

"Yeah, whatever Dib-smelly. I'm busy right now, come back later."

Dib did a double take. Zim was sitting on the couch watching some stupid little kid show.

"I don't know what you're planning Zim, but I'll stop you!" Dib informed a nonplussed Zim.

"If I tell you what's going on, will you leave me alone?" Zim said, not taking his eyes off the tv.

"Sure." Dib said in surprise. This was a first.

So in between handfuls of non-popped popcorn seeds Zim explained in short what had happened. He never even took the eyes off the screen.

"So, the robots really aren't a part of an evil plot to take over the world?"

"Uh huh. Now leave me to watch the animated pictures in peace, Earth filth."

Dib had other ideas though. "Nope! This is your fault, and you are going to help me fix it!"

Dib grabbed Zim and began dragging him away from the tv.

"No, what are you doing! I need to see this! I MUST SEE THIS!"

Dib dragged a struggling Zim out of the door and down the street.

"You can put me down now."

Dib looked down. Zim had stopped struggling. Dib carefully let go, ready to tackle him if he made a break for it.

Wiping the dirt off his uniform, Zim spoke.

"I suppose I should Thaaaank yooyou Earth pig for breaking me free of the spell. If I had sat there much longer the robot could have exposed me."

"Oh, come on! Really?! Why didn't I think of that?!"

"Dib stink?"

"Yeah?"

"ZIM STILL HATES YOU!" ZIm screamed in his ear.

Suddenly, Dib took off in a sprint. "Jokes on you, Zim!" He called. "I'm going to find the robot before you and expose you for the alien menace you are!"

"Not if ZIM finds it first! And he will! OH, HOW YOU WILL PAAYYY!"

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Dib heard the sound of crashing as he approached the center of the city. It was coming from the Mall.

 _The last SIR unit must be there! If I catch it and show it to everyone then they will believe me! And all of my problems will be solved!_

Dib pulled on the main doors. They didn't open.

Then Dib noticed the square of glass missing from the door. Zim! He was already there! Dib ran up the non-moving escalator, heading towards the source of the noise. He glanced at a mall location map as he ran past. Over 50 floors?! Dib sighed. This was going to be a long night

:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Zim approached the mall. Using his "MIGhty ZIM SKILLS!" he had tracked the chaos to its source. Zim approached it carefully, wary of it ever since his run in with Slab Rankle. He was about to laser an entrance just like last time before he noticed that the one from before was still in place. Huh. Guess they never got around to fixing it.

Zim slipped through the hole and headed for the security office.

 _That pitiful human guard may prove to be an obstacle._ Zim thought. _I must neutralize him._

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Dib looked up at the sign. It read "Berny's TNT and Fire Store".

"Really? Why do we need one of these?" He wondered aloud. "And isn't that a bit dangerous?"

Dib had made his way to the 43rd floor. It seemed that the noises were originating from this shop. But seriously, out of all the shops the SIR unit could choose to rampage in? This one was the worst.

He hadn't run into any security on the way up, which surprised him. Surely in a mall this big there should be security, right?

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Sergeant Slab Rankle sat down awkwardly. The other people in the prison cell stared at him.

"So, wanna play a card game or something?"

"We don't have any cards."

"Oh."

After a moment of silence, they seemed to remember who he was and why they were trapped there.

"GET HIM!"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

Oh well.

Dib peered into the room through a window. He didn't see anything, but the store was very dark. Then suddenly the SIR unit dropped down from where it had been crawling on the ceiling and landed in front of him. Even though there was a layer of glass between them, Dib still jumped.

"BOOGPBOGOGOOGJS!" It screamed before running back into the darkness. Dib tried the door. It was locked. How did the robot even get in there? The door was locked and the walls were still intact! Dib knew one thing though, it hadn't been there long. Dib knew this because the store was still whole. He couldn't let it be alone for much longer. A malfunctioning SIR unit and TNT? That wouldn't end well.

"Stand back you HORRIBLE HUMAN!" A familiar voice screamed. "Let the almighty Zim take care of this!"

"Zim! That robot is mine!" 

"Not if ZIM has anything to say about it! Which he does!"

Zim used the laser in his PAK once again. Soon there was a square shaped hole in the window which Zim jumped through Dib was not far behind.

"Prepare to be captured by Zim!" Zim told the robot.

"Wait Zim, be careful! This place is dangerous!" Dib warned. Though he didn't care if Zim got hurt, he was there too and Gaz really liked this mall. And he really didn't want an angry Gaz on his hands.

The SIR unit was running around the room with a bunch of lit matches. As he ran past them, the fuses of the dynamite- which was hanging from the ceiling like sausages- caught fire.

Bored of this, the SIR unit jumped up and landed on its head. Its body started spinning like a twister while the head was stationary. This provided the perfect opportunity for Zim to zap it with his ray gun, one which he took.

"The Dynamite!" Dib screamed, pointing to the explosives which were about to –well- explode.

"Zim has this!" Screamed Zim, firing the dynamite with the ray gun. The dynamite disappeared and Zim looked triumphant. Dib just looked shocked by Zim's stupidity. After a moment of silence Dib spoke up.

"You are an idiot."

"What?! Zim just saved us all!"

"You just teleported the explosives into the box."

"So?"

"The one with my evidence." Seeing the blank look Zim was giving him, Dib spoke again.

"The one with the SIR units?"

::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::

 **A few seconds later**

 **:::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::::**

"No! My Tallest! I have FAILED you! ZIM has failed the CHALLenge!" Zim wailed.

"I'm going home." Dib said. "I guess this is a win for Earth. I guess."


End file.
